Heaven is all around us.

When Bart was in the middle of his chemo, one of the only things that sounded good to him was Pomegranate shakes. Gretchen would stop by Arby's every day on her way to the hospital and pick one up to take to him. I understand how important that was to her. I remember how good it felt to be able to make chocolate shakes for Mom Link during her last days when so little tasted good to her. There's so very little you can do to bring comfort--when you find that One Thing that helps, even a little, your heart just melts with gratitude. For Bart and Gretchen, that One Thing was Pomegranate ice cream shakes.

Wednesday was Bart's birthday. I knew it would be a melancholy day for her and so we spent a long phone call sharing memories of our guy. We talked about what she might do to make it a celebration. She thought she might bake his favorite pie and take a slice to her friends. Gretchen has a wonderful heart.

The following day she sent me this email:

Yesterday I made Peanut Butter cookies because they were Bart's favorite and it made me feel good, but check this out! I found this ice cream at WalMart and it was most delicious!

It is called Sheer Bliss and certainly was. I got the Pomegranate.

Gavin's and my One Thing was notes. He'd leave them around for me to find. They were usually decorated with some of his artwork; fanciful little doodles that I always loved and generally tucked away somewhere. I just ran across one the other day while cleaning out my nightstand. It was Heaven. Literally.

Two weekends ago, as Greg and I drove back from clearing out Dad's house down in Scottsdale, we stopped in Sedona to hike. As we started out, I silently whispered to Gavin that I'd love it if he'd let me know that he was near. I always miss him when I hike. I have so many favorite memories of our hikes together. Anyway, I whispered my little longing to Gav, then forgot about it and just enjoyed my hike with Greg. It was a perfect day. Perfect temperature. Good conversation. Blue sky. Red rocks towering above us.

When we finally turned around to go back, we decided to slow down a little. Greg was hiking in flip-flops (the way Gav used to) and his hip was starting to get a little sore, so we ended up slowing down to a very easy stroll and I began to meditate by focusing on the details of the trail. It was then that I found it. Right in the middle of the trail we had already hiked over that morning. A large, flat-faced, red rock etched with the words, "I miss you." Etched around the letters were fanciful doodles of falling tear drops. Exactly like Gavin would have done. Exactly like him.

Heaven is all around us. It's in peanut butter cookies and pomegranate ice cream left for us in a freezer case in WalMart. It's etched in rocks along a desert trail or in notes tucked away in the night stand. All we have to do it ask for it. All we have to do is look.

Diamonds

Dearest Arden,

Let me give you one simple reason

I know that God is good.

(There are a million of them --

but for tonight

this is the one that shines most brightly for me.)

My patriarchal blessing tells me that I will live

only as long as life is sweet to me.

So whenever life seems like more than I can bear

I always check to see if I'm still alive.

Yes, today my heart is breaking at

yet another unimaginable loss

A tiny life, bright and precious

gone from our arms so soon.

Almost too soon to bear

So soon, following

So many others

I have cherished and prayed for

And still lost

So soon

I can't seem to catch my breath in between them all

And now no way to spare my beautiful daughter

from this anguish

I understand far too well.

But I know God is good,

And I know His promises are sure

And I'm still alive.

So, I dry my eyes and lift my weary head

and look around

for the promised sweetness.

I don't have to look far.

Tonight, when I went out to walk the dogs,

a quiet moon poured down onto the fresh, perfect snow

and cast a thousand shimmering diamonds across the landscape.

So.

Even if He asks me to suffer for now

I know God is good and tender

and loving and caring

and mindful of me.

Because when I walked out into the darkness

and the deep chill of this winter night,

He cared enough

to pave my way with diamonds.

"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit,

that we are the children of God:

and if children, then heirs;

heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ;

if so be that we suffer with him,

that we may be also glorified together.

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time

are not worthy to be compared

with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Romans 8:16-18

the heart always makes the perfect choice

I wrote the following not long after my son Gavin died:

We've often been asked why we chose to bury Gavin in Hawaii rather than here on the mainland. Luckily, in the shattered days when you're required to make this kind of decision, logic has little sway. My heart knew though, without question. And now, in retrospect, I'm so glad that his body rests there in that warm island sand, in view of the ocean where he loved to swim, surf and kayak with his sea turtles and whales. The gentle trades bring quiet comfort; the mountains in the distance hold his footprints; Natalie, Richie and the boys visit and remember Unkie whenever they feel the need.

The heart always makes the perfect choice.

#

And now today,

Now that our Baby Gavin's little body lies

in this same sacred place-

right over his Uncle Gavin's heart-

I'm so grateful for my heart

that knew to listen.

And, I am reminded once again . . .

God knows the end from the beginning.

He watches over us

and plans for us,

and keeps His loving arms around us.

Always.

New Life

Gavin David Bruce Norton

Born on the anniversary of his

Great Grandma Patricia's death,

and named after his Uncle Gavin and Great Grandpa Bruce,

this little guy has already stolen every heart in sight.

Not long after his birth, Lincoln and I walked

out to see Uncle Gavin's pine,

the one he planted

only a few days before his death.

It has recently sprouted a new

little sapling. I imagine it comes in honor of this new life just begun.

See how the larger tree lovingly bends to hover over it's little charge.

My life is swollen with miracles.

Am I Really Looking?

Dad and I found this seagull kite in Sedona last fall and bought it for Uncle Bart. The first thing he did after we gave it to him was take it out and attach it to his golf cart.  At first, the little seagull dipped and twisted like a drunken sailor and we laughed and laughed as the neighbors drove past or stood in their driveways and shook their heads.  Later, he went out again and drove up and down the street in front of the house so Gretchen could take a picture of Jonathan to send me.  He really made sure we knew how much he loved this silly gift.  Now that he's gone, I'm cherishing this memory of my brother's good heart.

It's funny, it's often not until after a person is gone, that we come to fully appreciate the little things they did in a way we never quite got around to while they were alive and here with us.  Why do we wait until they die to realize how precious they really were?  What are we waiting for?

Today, I'm wondering what kinds of things I might be forgetting to appreciate in the people I love.  Am I remembering to really look?  Do I have eyes that see?
Thornton Wilder captured it well in Emily's cry as she tried to re-experience the joy of  her twelfth birthday from the other side of the veil, 

 " Oh earth, you're too wonderful for anyone to realize you . . .

 Do human beings ever realize life while they live it?"

My little Brit.

This is our--Hawaiian born--Raleigh.  Delightful little chap, isn't he?  I'm not quite sure who 'Charlie' is, but his name seems to be integral to the production of this accent.

A good thought

It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone . . . in our own home.  Bring love into your home, for this is where our love for each other must start.                               -Mother Teresa

Happy Birthday Shelly!!!

She loves like an angel and gives like a Saint,

And serves with her whole heart, no matter how faint.

Her hugs are pure heaven, her smile like warm sun,

And her praise is like fresh rain--you just glow when she's done.

She raised four golden children, each gifted as she

Who're now adding branches to her great family tree.

And my lucky daughter became part of that clan

When she wed Shelly's Richie (a good Norton man).

Imagine my fortune, the joy of my joys . . .

'Cuz my wonderful grandsons get to be Shelly's boys!

Happy Birthday Sweet Shelly!

You are truly one of the GREAT blessings of my life.

I love you,

Annie

Raising boys . . .

Dear Coleman,

I hate to say it, but 

this probably won't be your last visit to 

the Emergency Room. . . 

. . . or the last time you'll have to sit around in one for 

six or seven hours 

waiting 

for someone to finally get around 

to stitching you up, 

or setting your arm, 

or your foot, 

or whatever else you'll probably break 

zooming around the planet 

being a little boy.

 Or a big boy, for that matter.

(Seems it pretty much comes with the territory.)  

Pop and I are very glad you're ok, though.

Tell Mommy and Daddy to do their best to relax:

I've been prayin' up the very finest Guardian Angels to 

stay close 

and make sure that all those visits remain minor ones.

But do remind Mom and Dad to keep that insurance paid up.

Boys seem to need lots of that.

I love you,

Nana

p.s. You're gonna think that little scar on your head is very cool.

Newborn Weigh-In, India

I found this photo, taken by National Geographic photographer, Lynn Johnson, on my son-in-law's blog. Not only does Kevin have excellent taste in wife selection, he is also the kind of unique and wonderful man who would find such an exquisite photo and want to share it. Isn't it beautiful?  At first I thought it was a painting, it's so perfect. I love the colors, the composition, the lighting, the tenderness the scene evokes. I was especially touched by the mother's hands. Look how they're poised protectively between her baby and the ground. I love that Kevin's heart resonated with this shot. Isn't Steph lucky to have such a man in her world?

All is well.

The following is the best Mother's Day gift I ever could have received--from the best daughter I ever could have imagined.  I am so blessed.  So blessed.

Dear Mom,

I'm breaking my "no posts on Sunday" rule for you on this very significant day. It is Mother's Day, yes, but more significantly it's the first such day you have spent without your sweet little boy. I know that he is thinking of you today and longing to be near you just as you long to be near him.

If I may be so bold as to speak for a moment in his behalf:

Dear Mom,

Hi Mom! Thank you for being so wonderful! There could not have been a better mother for Natty and I than you. We both feel so blessed to have you. You gave us your whole heart in everything, and always. What an angel mother you are. I know you miss me today mommy, I miss you too, but remember where I am and all the wonderful things that I'm doing. Remember how happy I am. Remember that I'll see you soon, and mostly, remember that I love you sooooooooooooo much. Ooooh I love you! I am nearer than you know. I walk beside you in the sunshine and I dance with you through the wind. I am forever your little boy, and I love you.


Mom, I'll see you sooner than you know.
Happy Mother's Day!!

Yours forever,
Gavin
AKA: Gavin Son, Gavtron, Gaver Dave, Gabbie, Gavzilla, Venus. . .Unkie

PS. "You're so bamboo tops!"

Mom, we do love you, Gavin and I. So much more than you could ever know. We will all be together again very soon. Thank you for always giving yourself to us completely. Thank you for teaching us to work and to play, to love and to forgive and to accept others unconditionally. Thank you for teaching us to be independent and strong but mostly thank you for teaching us to be humble and for teaching us about He on whom we should rely for all things. . .

We couldn't have asked for anything better, not in our wildest dreams.

I love you Mom!
Happy Happy Mother's Day!
xoxo,
Nat

I love you so much, Natty Gann.  

I couldn't get through this without you.  

You are my angel.

What do they see?

Could it be? No. Really? Yes! It is! It's BABIES!! Two of them! On their way down to earth--direct from Heaven! And if you look around, you'll find two very happy couples, four delighted, expectant parents. Oh, the joy of waiting for a new little person! I wish I could tell you who they are. . . but I've only just learned myself. It wouldn't be fair for me to be the one who gets to tell. So instead, I'll just say CONGRATULATIONS!! to the ecstatic couples! Woo hoo! Good for you and your babies, too!! You're all going to be AWESOME parents.

Quick edit for clarification: Regarding my phrase, "if you look around" . . . the two pregnant couples are NOT necessarily in this picture! Have I opened a can of worms here?  (she asked, chuckling wickedly). 

Photo: Heather Mildenstein Photography

Don't forget--Mother's Day is this Sunday, May 11

If Mom lives far away, you're going to want to get that card or giftie in the mail by tomorrow or Wednesday, at the latest! Phew, that was close! Aren't you glad I love you like I do!

And here's a fun idea:  This week, I'm going to dedicate all my SkinnyLink posts to the love of mothers everywhere. Do you have a favorite mom you'd like to honor? Drop me an email (or click on COMMENT, below) and I'll be happy to give her beautiful name and your loving words a place of honor here on the SkinnyLink. I know, it's not quite as good as shouting your love from the rooftops, but trust me, she'll love it anyway! (Remember how much she LOVED that goofy clay doojamathingy you made her at camp?)

This world is full of wonderful moms . . . 

 First in line is Maddie who says to her Mom, Julie J:  I just want to tell my mom that I think she's awesome!  I love you, Mommy! -Maddie

To Shelly from Heather:  My mom is the coolest, best mom EVERRRRRR!!!!! This week I was just thinking about when I was in high school and we all had early morning seminary, and she would wake up at 5:00 AM and make us WHATEVER we wanted for breakfast! Mine usually consisted of a smoothie and/or grilled cheese sandwich (weird huh?). Anyway, I love you mom! You're soo amazing and you really are the hippest, coolest mom in the WORLD! xoxo, Heather

. . . and from Shelly to Heather and then to her own beloved mom: Ahhhh -- thank you so much, my sweet Heather! You make me cry when you say things like that:) My mom - Pat Christensen...my, oh, my, what a mom she was! I like to think I was really good on the day I got chosen to be her daughter - why else would I have gotten so lucky? She was full of love & laughter, strength and faith, art, wisdom, music, charity, humor, patience, beauty. Most of all, she really, really, really LOVED me! I love and miss you, Mom!

And here's Natalie's love for her mom:  So, my mom is definitely the best mom of them all. She's wonderful for a million reasons, my favorites of which are that she gave me a love of fine literature, an appreciation for the arts and the knowledge that I could do or be ANYTHING I could imagine in my wildest of dreams. She also thinks I'm really funny, one of the few people on Earth who actually GETS my humor. True story: I once caused her to wet her pants on the way down to the Subway in London. Yup, she had to ride all the way home with pee pee pants. Thus I am withholding her name to protect her from the humiliation of it all. But mom, I love you SOOOOOOO much.

This is fun for me. I know most of these moms, so I know, first-hand that what their girls are saying about them is true! From Lindsay: My mom is the ULTIMATE example of someone who never takes “no” for an answer… she’s such a “go-getter”! She works hard, cares harder, and loves hardest! I truly admire her!! Thank you, Mom, for unconditional love.  Hugs Galore,  Linds

Flowers delivered from:  Google Images, Wildflowers

All you need is love

Gavin and I met this peaceful vision of a soul amid the ruins in the main temple at Angkor Wat, Seim Reap, Cambodia. It was June of 2005, just 2 years before his death. We were awed by her pure joy and beauty, deeply moved by the love she radiated.  She doesn't own a cell phone or a credit card or a car or a checking account. She was barefoot; we later wondered if she even owned a pair of shoes. We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering through those ancient ruins, wet from the weight of the Cambodian sun, smiling and singing All You Need is Love. It was one of the very best days of my life.  

Trailing clouds of glory

Look who just dropped in from Heaven.
Have you ever seen a more exquisite little girl? Just check out that perfect little cupid's bow mouth and her porcelain cream skin. At only 3 days old, this angel baby is already cover girl worthy. 

Bridget Claire, we are so happy to see your precious little face!  Its going to be such a joy to watch you grow!  We're ALL, already smitten.  

Bridget Claire Steen

April 20, 2008   11:07 p.m.

6 lbs 11 oz.   19 inches

Exhausted, Joyous Momma: Kelly Steen

Head-over-heels in love Daddy: Thomas Steen

Congratulations guys! Nice work!

Top ten reasons I love my brother

Bart and Natalie on her wedding day.

Photo: Altus Photo Design  

1. He has always looked out for me.
2. He gives world class hugs.
3. He is the world's best uncle, bar none.
4. He would have made the world's best dad.
5. He never complains that he never got to be a dad.
6. He loves my kids like they're his own.
7. He's always been there for me-no matter what the event or problem.
8. He can make me laugh 'till milk comes out my nose.
9. He's one of very few humans on this planet who gets my strange humor.
10. He finally quit sticking his wet finger in my ear.

HAPPY  BIRTHDAY BUBBA!

I sure do love you!!!

-Your little Sis

Do YOU have a favorite brother or sister?  I'd love to hear about him or her!  Just click on comments below.

Our Golden Boy

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf,

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay

See you soon!

        Hukilau Beach, La'ie Hawaii   May 14, 2007

I am so blessed to have the quiet assurance that there is life beyond this earthly existence.  I know that we will all meet again, and when we do, we'll marvel at how short our wait truly was.  I know Gavin lives on-that he's still learning, laughing, giving, loving and touching lives in that magical way that was his alone. Keep up the good work, Bud. We'll do our best here, too, and on that glistening day when we can hold each other again, we'll sit down together and talk story for a good long time.  I love you buddy.  See you soon!

Old La'ie Cemetery

We've often been asked why we chose to bury Gavin in Hawaii rather than here on the mainland.  Luckily, in the shattered days when you're required to make this kind of decision, logic has little sway.  My heart knew though, without question.  And now, in retrospect, I'm so glad that his body rests there in that warm island sand, in view of the ocean where he loved to swim, surf and kayak with his sea turtles and whales. The gentle trades bring quiet comfort; the mountains in the distance hold his footprints; Natalie, Richie and the boys visit and remember Unkie whenever they feel the need. 

The heart always makes the perfect choice.

Brave Heart

I love you, Natalie.  Your faith, your love, your courage and your laughter have carried us through these lonely months.  Gavin couldn't have asked for a better sister.  In life or in death.  And Dad and I couldn't have hoped for a better daughter.