1.20.2010

the heart always makes the perfect choice

I wrote the following not long after my son Gavin died:

We've often been asked why we chose to bury Gavin in Hawaii rather than here on the mainland. Luckily, in the shattered days when you're required to make this kind of decision, logic has little sway. My heart knew though, without question. And now, in retrospect, I'm so glad that his body rests there in that warm island sand, in view of the ocean where he loved to swim, surf and kayak with his sea turtles and whales. The gentle trades bring quiet comfort; the mountains in the distance hold his footprints; Natalie, Richie and the boys visit and remember Unkie whenever they feel the need.

The heart always makes the perfect choice.

#

And now today,

Now that our Baby Gavin's little body lies
in this same sacred place-
right over his Uncle Gavin's heart-
I'm so grateful for my heart
that knew to listen.
And, I am reminded once again . . .

God knows the end from the beginning.
He watches over us
and plans for us,
and keeps His loving arms around us.
Always.

12 comments:

Heather said...

So beautiful, Annie. I love you!

Damaris said...

this is a beautiful post. some things are so dense, good thing we have the Spririt to help guide us through our earthly trials.

Kelli Radmall said...

What a cruel thing that you and Natalie have in common now..losing a beautiful son. But you obviously have more in common-unshakable faith and incredible strength in adversity. I just have to say that I am so so sorry for what you are all going through. It is far from fair. But you are right, God is good.

Arden said...

Dear Annie, I had so many questions and no answers. I'm crying now but the comfort that you and sweet Natalie have given me is hard still for me to grasp. I am not good with words like you two. There are some things though I just don't need to know. I pray for you all and I cry for you all and I just don't know what else to do. Your daughter is so amazing and I thank her for answering so many of my questions. Please know that if I could take just a little of the hurt away and add it to mine I would. I love you all and I guess that God is good. Love, Arden

Olivia said...

Oh Annie, your words are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing the thoughts of you heart. I love you!

shelly said...

So perfect. I love you!

Gretzbabi said...

The world weeps for you and your sweet family, the strength of the Lord carries you. So hard and yet so wonderful to know that that sweet spirit was so torn between here and there and finally let you and your family make the right choice. Love you all so much! Always and forever!

tomiannie said...

Annie, I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are so much in my prayers right now. I don't know if you remember me, but you were my YW leader when I was in Laurels, 14 years ago or so. I am so touched and strengthened by the courage and faith Natalie and you have shown during this heartbreak -- thank you for sharing that and bolstering all of us even in your hardest time.

Love,
Tomi Ann (Pearce)

Jackie said...

Oh sweet Annie. What sad news, and I'm sure my email about our new baby didn't help. I can't stop thinking about you and your sweet daughter and grandbaby, almost the same age as my baby. I have been praying for you for the whole day. So sorry.

And I hope you don't mind me saying, but for crying out loud! Vaccinate your kids!

Sweet is the peace the gospel brings.

Sending my love.
Jackie

Annie said...

Oh yes Jackie, because that is one of the few protections little ones like Gavin, who are still too young to be vaccinated, have against these lethally communicable diseases. Evev ADULTS can be vaccinated to ensure they won't be carriers, too!

Annie said...

Tomi Ann! How fun to see your beautiful face here!! I hope you are as happy as you look in this cute picture. But I'm sure you are--you were always good at "happy!" I love you.

Natalie. said...

Mommy,

I always thought it was just so kind of you to bury my brother here, near to me. SO KIND. Now I am grateful in a way that words cannot attempt.

Love you so.

N