Birthday wishes

I wish I could decorate your door with crepe paper streamers and balloons.

And wake you in the morning with a do-nut birthday cake and candles

and a crazy birthday song

that I stayed up too late writing

(set to Beatles music, of course)

I wish I could touch your face and tell you how proud of you I am

and hug you and tell you how cool it is that you're taller than me

I wish we could dance around the kitchen together

(oh, I miss dancing with you, so much)

I wish we could go for a hike

or a late night walk in the snow

(remember?)

I wish for one of your phone calls to tell me about

the tiny frog you've got in your hand

or the run you just finished

or how much you love President Hinckley

or that you're back safe from your ocean paddle

(thanks so much for those 'I'm home safe' calls)

Today, I'm cherishing

the way you'd open my car door

the notes you always left for me to find

the way you always said, "I love you, Mama."

and the way your voicemails always started out,

"Hi Mama! It's your baby boy!"

I'm remembering your arm around my shoulder

and your smile

(oh, your smile)

and your text messages--

"11:11 Mom. Thinkin of you."

"Pancakes!"

And your amazing hugs

your grateful heart

and the way you loved me so openly

So freely

So unashamedly

So unconditionally

Thank you, my son.

For all you were.

For all you are.

You're a pretty awesome guy, you know.

I feel humbled and so blessed

that you chose me to be your mom

Grateful that you knew I'd understand

that you had to leave-

that you had a greater work to do

that there were others who needed your love

your testimony of the Savior and His Atonement

and the gift of your understanding heart.

I am eternally blessed by the knowledge of

Where you are now

and What you're doing

and in Whose name you serve.

I do love you Gav.

Always did, no matter what

Always will, no matter where

Please feel my hand on your cheek

and hear the love in my heart when I say,

You're still making me proud, my buddy.

Happy Birthday, Gavin-San.

I love you.

Kiss your little nephew for me, will you?

And tell him how much I miss him--

miss both of you.

I love you both.

So very much.

Ooooooooooooo, I love you.

Forever.

Mom

p.s. I know I'm a day early,

but, I wanted to make sure you get this first thing in the morning-

(I know it's not quite a do-nut cake, candles and streamers. I just

couldn't figure that one out.)