I remember trying to describe this once.
How pictures from Before
bring such an onslaught of feelings,
such a mix of emotion.
My After-self gazes with tenderness
longing, yearning, sorrow
when I see pictures
of my innocent, unsuspecting Before-self.
I trace her face with my fingertip
and whisper sweet condolences.
Though my heart yearned for your understanding,
in all my aching prayers for freedom from grief's isolation,
did I think that your understanding,
would one day be this full . . .
. . . this excruciating.
My heart lifts in gratitude
as I watch yours open so fully,
and your soul rise so sweetly
in love for He who walks this path with us.
I have prayed for these blessings in your life
from the moment I first kissed your beautiful little face.
never did I imagine
my prayers would be answered in
If I had known . . .
Would I have tried to spare you ?
But we did know, didn't we?
And we chose not to change a thing.
How great the wisdom and the love
that called for our vote before
and not after
the Plan was set in motion.
Again life's double edged sword,
the opposition in all things:
to feel so sorry
and yet so grateful
all in the same heartbeat.
Please feel both from me.
I love you so.