Still missing you, Gav.

(Oh, how we would have loved this song, this video.)

I slept with your teddy bear last night. It wasn't enough.

Still missing you, my boy. 
All day. 
Every hour. 
All night. 
Every night.
Every rain, every snow, every misty morning.
Every bit of news of every old friend.
Every new flower or birdsong or fresh young leaf .
Every hike, every wave, every vista.
Every sunrise, every sunset.
Every moment of sun on my skin.
Or breeze on my face.
Every old song.  Every new one.
I think of you.
It all wants to be shared.
 With you.
Accentuates the loneliness.
Without you.

 So I slept with Gummy last night.
He wasn't enough.

But you were worth it. 
Every hour, every day, every night. 
All of it.
All of it.
All of it.


Annie said...

Thinking of you. Missing my dear friend Gavin. Wish he was here. My heart hurts still. But I am happy.

Erin Jane said...

That last comment was really me. I didn't realize I was signed in as my sister. Love you Annie Link

shelly said...

Annie, I love you. My heart still aches so much for you - it always will. And, I'm so excited to see Gavin again. I think of the reunion often! As much as each anniversary is so very painful, I love that all of our hearts are SO FULL with Gavin. I know he knows, and he's happy.

shelly said...

For the record, this is one of my favorite songs! I listen to it constantly -- and now it will be extra sweet to me.

Gretzbabi said...

Wow, how true this song hits for you, I am so sorry for your pain but I feel that the words should say that with every sunrise, every sunset, every moment of sun on my skin, I feel you there by my side, sharing all the things and helping me know how wonderful life is. He is so missed and you are all so special, he has to be with you all the time, but I also know that his caring of his sweet nephews would take up a whole lot of his time! how blessed you all are!

I'm Natalie. said...

that song is super! that video is ODD, but you're right, Gavin would have loved it. I love you mom!!

Jen said...

Annie, that song and the video are so perfectly 'you and Gavin'! I just love you and hate all the loss you have endured! I wish I could just take a minute of it away! I love you!

Gretchen said...

Bart would have loved this song and video also, its so unique. You are my inspiration, I will hold fast to the iron rod and not be distracted by the river so that I may join Bart and see the tree.

Annie said...

Erin Jane- I love every single memory you name brings up for me. Gavin loved you so much!
Shelly--YOU are extra sweet to me. And I think you KNOW how much Gavin loved you, too.
Gretz-You are my rock. I love you Cuz.
Natalie-Beware the Leprechauns!
Jen- You already HAVE taken far more than minutes away. You've been such a blessing!
Gretchen-The fruit of that tree is truly sweet above all that is sweet. Gavin tasted it and knew it, and you will too! I'm so happy we can be a forever family.

I LOVE YOU ALL!! I'll get through this because Heavenly Father has given me each of you and your uniquely perfect gifts in my life. I am so blessed.

Anonymous said...

Hi Annie, You made me cry. I wish, I wish, I wish. Oh well, You are amazing. I loved the Video. Rachel would love it too, she loved Gavin. Don't we all. Love you, arden



i still think often of gavin... I LOVE THAT BOY!! he was so much fun. I admire your strength. You and your family are continually in my thoughts.


P.S. i've been following your blog forever now. it is the greatest:)

lyn. said...

I never knew Gavin or why he is gone...
I don't really know you, but I feel like I do, and I love what I know! So, it only follows that I would love Gavin, too.

This morning my son was reluctant to give me a helping hand. It mad me sad, and that sadness was slowly turning into anger. So, I went for a walk. Then I read your post, I realized how blessed I am to have my son here to make me sad, and angry, and happy, and proud. He will be getting two special hugs tonight: one from me and one for you...

Thanks for the reality check, for being you, and for loving Gavin so much...

wfc said...

Annie: Jocelin sent me this link. She said she was going talking pictures with you. She took our family picture two months before my son was killed in a car accident going to his first day of school at BYU. I have passed the 6 month mark and still wonder if I will ever be myself again. You can't go through something like this and not change I think. Your blog is tender. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Wynette